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Message boards : General discussion : A little levity - not to mention a good laugh

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Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 26065 - Posted: 2 Sep 2010 | 14:37:17 UTC
Last modified: 2 Sep 2010 | 14:38:06 UTC

A SHORT LOVE STORY

A man and a woman who had never met before,
but who were both married to other people,
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM , the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,.......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight,...... let's
pretend that we're married.'

'Wow!....................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. .............'Get your own damn blanket.'

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End


Smile, the sun is good for your teeth

Rick

Profile ~~~(,__,)^'>Project donor
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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 26066 - Posted: 2 Sep 2010 | 15:01:31 UTC - in response to Message 26065.

Ah yes love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 28002 - Posted: 16 Nov 2010 | 16:33:10 UTC

Men & Earrings

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is
wearing an earring.

The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were
into earrings.."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies
sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity
prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

(I always wondered how this trend got started)

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 29449 - Posted: 16 Dec 2010 | 15:06:55 UTC

A NUN AT HOOTERS



A Nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation, and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.


However, when the revelers saw the Nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the Nun. So the bartender showed the Nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled Nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

"Now, how about that drink?"

____________
@AggieThePew

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 29504 - Posted: 17 Dec 2010 | 13:57:34 UTC

On the last day of school before the Christmas break, the children brought gifts for their teacher.


The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.


The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.


Then the liquor store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher
lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.



She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.


"Is it wine?" she guessed.



"No," the boy replied.



She tasted another drop and asked, "Champagne?"



"No," said the little boy.........





.........."it's a PUPPY!!"


____________
@AggieThePew

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Send message
Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 29743 - Posted: 21 Dec 2010 | 14:56:10 UTC

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of
Psychiatry at Harvard University .


Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!


1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.



Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

Reading glass - not only nice to have but essential to remember where they are.

____________
@AggieThePew

mfbabb2Project donor
Volunteer tester
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Joined: 10 Oct 08
Posts: 510
ID: 30360
Credit: 11,561,356
RAC: 0
Eliminated 2 conjecture "k"s321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (549,886)Cullen LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (494,859)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (361,416)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (533,729)PPS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (595,337)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (566,781)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (981,226)SR5 LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (94,782)SGS LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (105,953)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (163,541)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,491,761)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (82,515)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,096)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (85,743)PPS Sieve Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (733,035)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,039)TRP Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (100,597)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (275,545)WW Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,000)GFN Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,892,660)PSA Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (211,837)
Message 29749 - Posted: 21 Dec 2010 | 16:07:35 UTC - in response to Message 29743.

The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of
Psychiatry at Harvard University .


Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake.

The average person over 50 years of age cannot do it!


1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.



Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down.

Reading glass - not only nice to have but essential to remember where they are.

What else can one expect from a school of lawyers?
____________
Murphy (AtP)



Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 29753 - Posted: 21 Dec 2010 | 17:13:12 UTC - in response to Message 29749.

True, but did you actually take the test and more importantly did you read out loud :)
____________
@AggieThePew

mfbabb2Project donor
Volunteer tester
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Joined: 10 Oct 08
Posts: 510
ID: 30360
Credit: 11,561,356
RAC: 0
Eliminated 2 conjecture "k"s321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (549,886)Cullen LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (494,859)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (361,416)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (533,729)PPS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (595,337)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (566,781)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (981,226)SR5 LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (94,782)SGS LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (105,953)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (163,541)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,491,761)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (82,515)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,096)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (85,743)PPS Sieve Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (733,035)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,039)TRP Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (100,597)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (275,545)WW Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,000)GFN Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,892,660)PSA Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (211,837)
Message 29756 - Posted: 21 Dec 2010 | 17:42:04 UTC

I am very good at "seeing" patterns -- it was pretty obvious at first glance!

Written on a business card:

"Do you know how to keep an Aggie busy for hours?"
(Answer on other side...)

<flip card>

"Do you know how to keep an Aggie busy for hours?"
(Answer on other side...)

<flip card>
...
____________
Murphy (AtP)



Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 30305 - Posted: 4 Jan 2011 | 15:23:02 UTC

Cletus & Billy Bob

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the
door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an
old green John Deere.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first
the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his
shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall
down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing
both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt
underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and
hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck are you doing,
Billy Bob?"

"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously
embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in
the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do 'something sexy to a
tractor'."

[Don't make me come splain this to you! ---Read the last line again,
slowly--out loud.]




____________
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321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 30314 - Posted: 4 Jan 2011 | 18:45:47 UTC

There was once a nunnery which caught fire. All the nuns except one escaped. The trapped nun cried out from the window "Save me! Save me! Save me!! but no one did.

The poor nun was burned but just before she was burnt to death a clown passed by. He heard the nun crying "Save me! Save me! Save me!" and ran into the building. The nun was so badly injured that she couldn't walk so the clown hoisted her on to his shoulders and carried piggy-back her to safety.

Like your Cletus and Billy Bob story it was virgin on the ridiculous.

:)

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321 LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (21,497)Cullen LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (24,318)PPS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (742,333)PSP LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (42,212)SoB LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (11,835)SGS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (570,033)TRP LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (29,548)Woodall LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (14,793)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (37,808)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (25,174)PPS Sieve Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (127,439)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (318,364)TRP Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (183,654)AP 26/27 Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (98,799)PSA Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (76,505)
Message 30349 - Posted: 4 Jan 2011 | 23:50:44 UTC - in response to Message 30314.

Like your Cletus and Billy Bob story it was virgin on the ridiculous.


*headslap*

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Eliminated 2 conjecture "k"s321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (549,886)Cullen LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (494,859)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (361,416)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (533,729)PPS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (595,337)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (566,781)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (981,226)SR5 LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (94,782)SGS LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (105,953)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (163,541)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,491,761)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (82,515)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,096)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (85,743)PPS Sieve Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (733,035)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,039)TRP Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (100,597)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (275,545)WW Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,000)GFN Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,892,660)PSA Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (211,837)
Message 30350 - Posted: 4 Jan 2011 | 23:53:49 UTC

Some might see the humor in the story, but I thought there was nun.
____________
Murphy (AtP)



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321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 30365 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 5:15:22 UTC - in response to Message 30350.

Some might see the humor in the story, but I thought there was nun.

It is more than just a habit,

Profile Gary Craig
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Posts: 3213
ID: 52890
Credit: 1,005,618,748
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Discovered 1 mega prime321 LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,893,273)Cullen LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,440,687)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,738,876)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (6,292,626)PPS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,648,951)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,653,927)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,558,341)SR5 LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,748,705)SGS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,335,713)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (12,602,818)Woodall LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,282,622)321 Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (740,566)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (59,788,598)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,143,068)PPS Sieve Double Gold: Earned 500,000,000 credits (524,673,938)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,130,821)TRP Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,074,710)AP 26/27 Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (43,842,888)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (224,648,943)PSA Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (62,378,755)
Message 30373 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 9:27:52 UTC

Since we've dispensed with prime humor, here's one in the physics realm:

A proton, neutron, and electron walk in to a bar. A sign on the wall says, "Drinks: $1".

Electron: "Uh oh, we've only got $2 for the three of us."

Proton: "That's okay, there's no charge for the neutron."

---pause for uncomfortable chuckles---

Electron: "Are you sure?"

Proton: "I'm positive!"

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Posts: 710
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321 LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,050,605)Cullen LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (104,070)ESP LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,018,623)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (198,013)PPS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,642,058)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (897,619)SoB LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,683,694)SR5 LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,127)SGS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (580,961)TRP LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,025,151)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (123,136)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,061)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,074,349)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (167,039)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (45,234,841)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (108,377)TRP Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (100,605)AP 26/27 Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,115,868)GFN Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,691,481)PSA Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (18,340,315)
Message 30383 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 13:51:30 UTC - in response to Message 29756.

I am very good at "seeing" patterns -- it was pretty obvious at first glance!

Written on a business card:

"Do you know how to keep an Aggie busy for hours?"
(Answer on other side...)

<flip card>

"Do you know how to keep an Aggie busy for hours?"
(Answer on other side...)

<flip card>
...


My my... someone is a little cockier now after finding two SR5 primes...

Neo
Proud Member of Aggie the Pew
____________

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321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (597,175)Cullen LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,355,381)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,048,594)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,564,412)PPS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,025,115)PSP LLR Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (28,367,849)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (16,215,329)SR5 LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,189,992)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,244,067)TRP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,169,405)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,070,956)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,003)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,371)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,645,025)PPS Sieve Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,536,532)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,017,144)TRP Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (554,946)AP 26/27 Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,577,848)GFN Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (97,047,976)PSA Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (4,606,694)
Message 30388 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 14:36:57 UTC

Another poor play-on-words, this time on a biochemistry theme...

A biochemist walks into a bar and says "Hey barkeep, can I have a pint of Adenosine TriPhosphate?"
"Sure", he replies, "That'll be 80p..."

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Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 30390 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 14:44:08 UTC - in response to Message 30388.

Another poor play-on-words, this time on a biochemistry theme...

A biochemist walks into a bar and says "Hey barkeep, can I have a pint of Adenosine TriPhosphate?"
"Sure", he replies, "That'll be 80p..."


I'm thinking this might be a funny one but need to have it translated... into lay man's terms :) (can you tell I'm too lazy to search the web)
____________
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321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 30391 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 15:05:56 UTC

Ohh, jokes and chemistry.

If a bear fell into the water in Yellowstone at the same time as one fell into the water in Greenland which would dissolve first?

The one from Greenland because it is polar.

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Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 30393 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 15:12:50 UTC - in response to Message 30391.
Last modified: 5 Jan 2011 | 16:01:51 UTC

Ohh, jokes and chemistry.

If a bear fell into the water in Yellowstone at the same time as one fell into the water in Greenland which would dissolve first?

The one from Greenland because it is polar.


I can tell that the next joke I post will have to be something other than any kind of play on words.

ps Iain, Tim explained your joke... and yes, it was funny
____________
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321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 30396 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 15:29:40 UTC - in response to Message 30393.

[.

ps Ian, Tim explained your joke... and yes, it was funny


...but I still think Iain should explain it here.

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Joined: 10 Oct 08
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Eliminated 2 conjecture "k"s321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (549,886)Cullen LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (494,859)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (361,416)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (533,729)PPS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (595,337)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (566,781)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (981,226)SR5 LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (94,782)SGS LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (105,953)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (163,541)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,491,761)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (82,515)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,096)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (85,743)PPS Sieve Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (733,035)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,039)TRP Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (100,597)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (275,545)WW Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,000)GFN Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,892,660)PSA Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (211,837)
Message 30405 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 16:59:59 UTC - in response to Message 30383.

I owe it all to my computer (same one found both)!
____________
Murphy (AtP)



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Joined: 10 Oct 08
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Eliminated 2 conjecture "k"s321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (549,886)Cullen LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (494,859)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (361,416)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (533,729)PPS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (595,337)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (566,781)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (981,226)SR5 LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (94,782)SGS LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (105,953)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (163,541)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,491,761)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (82,515)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,096)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (85,743)PPS Sieve Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (733,035)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,039)TRP Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (100,597)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (275,545)WW Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,000)GFN Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,892,660)PSA Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (211,837)
Message 30406 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 17:03:14 UTC - in response to Message 30390.
Last modified: 5 Jan 2011 | 17:04:22 UTC

Another poor play-on-words, this time on a biochemistry theme...

A biochemist walks into a bar and says "Hey barkeep, can I have a pint of Adenosine TriPhosphate?"
"Sure", he replies, "That'll be 80p..."


I'm thinking this might be a funny one but need to have it translated... into lay man's terms :) (can you tell I'm too lazy to search the web)

It is obvious if you have ever been to England:
The cost is 80 pence (pronounced "8" "T" "P" --> ATP).
____________
Murphy (AtP)



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Credit: 194,056,043
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (597,175)Cullen LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,355,381)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,048,594)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,564,412)PPS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,025,115)PSP LLR Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (28,367,849)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (16,215,329)SR5 LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,189,992)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,244,067)TRP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,169,405)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,070,956)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,003)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,371)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,645,025)PPS Sieve Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,536,532)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,017,144)TRP Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (554,946)AP 26/27 Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,577,848)GFN Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (97,047,976)PSA Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (4,606,694)
Message 30416 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 19:00:12 UTC - in response to Message 30406.

Got there before me. Apologies to all the non-brits among us!

Iain BethuneProject donor
Honorary cruncher
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Joined: 28 Jan 09
Posts: 1588
ID: 34775
Credit: 194,056,043
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (597,175)Cullen LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,355,381)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,048,594)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,564,412)PPS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,025,115)PSP LLR Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (28,367,849)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (16,215,329)SR5 LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,189,992)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,244,067)TRP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,169,405)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,070,956)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,003)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,371)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,645,025)PPS Sieve Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,536,532)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,017,144)TRP Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (554,946)AP 26/27 Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,577,848)GFN Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (97,047,976)PSA Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (4,606,694)
Message 30417 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 19:06:32 UTC
Last modified: 5 Jan 2011 | 19:06:58 UTC

I'm on a roll... here's another play-on-words-in-a-bar joke...

A rabbit walks into a bar, and says "Barkeep, can I have a pint of lager and a cheese toastie please?"

"Coming right up!", he replies.

The rabbit drains the pint and munches down the toastie, then asks again "Barkeep, can I have a pint of Guinness and a ham toastie please?"

"No problem", he replies.

The rabbit finished off his second pint as the toastie arrives, and makes short work of it too. He turns back to the barman "Now I'd like a tuna toastie, and a double Scotch please?"

"Are you sure about that?", he replies

"Course I am", says the rabbit.

When the toastie is ready the rabbit necks the whisky, takes a nibble of the toastie, and keels over stone dead.

"Barkeep! Did you see that? The rabbit's just dropped dead!" shouts a regular from the other end of the bar.

"Don't worry about it", he replies, " I'm sure it's just another case of mix-o-my-toasties"!

Profile ~~~(,__,)^'>Project donor
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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 30421 - Posted: 5 Jan 2011 | 19:40:00 UTC - in response to Message 30417.
Last modified: 5 Jan 2011 | 19:44:47 UTC

How about the linear fibrous article that walks into a bar ands ask for a pint of beer. Barman serves him and and says "Excuse me I couldn't help noticing that you are a linear fibrous article." "Yes that is because I am a piece of string."

Next day another linear fibrous article walks into the bar and asks for a pint of beer. Barman serves him and and says "Excuse me I couldn't help noticing that you are a linear fibrous article." "Yes that is because I am a piece of string."

Following day a very tatty linear fibrous article with tufts sticking out all over and distorted walks into the bar. linear fibrous article that walks into a bar ands ask for a pint of beer. Barman serves him and and says "Excuse me are you a piece of string."

"No, I'm a frayed knot."

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 30855 - Posted: 12 Jan 2011 | 16:23:05 UTC

Everyone reading this will enjoy it - no matter which gender you are.........

This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a
Woman In a brand new Cadillac Doing 65 mph With her Face up next to her Rear view mirror Putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away For a couple seconds... to continue shaving And when I looked back she was Halfway over in my lane, Still working on that makeup.

As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped My electric shaver Which knocked The donut Out of my other hand.

In all The confusion of trying To straighten out the car Using my knees against The steering wheel, It knocked My Cell Phone Away from my ear Which fell Into the coffee Between my legs Splashed, And burned
Big Jim and the Twins,

Ruined the damn phone, Soaked my trousers, And disconnected an
Important call.

Damn women drivers!

____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 30862 - Posted: 12 Jan 2011 | 17:02:33 UTC - in response to Message 30855.

Yeah I had a problem in my car too with a scam.

Here's how the scam works:

Two nice-looking, college-aged girls come over to your car as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. (It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say, "No", but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they climb in undressing into the vehicle. On the way, they start then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen Nov 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, 29th, Dec 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 27th, Jan 3rd, 7th and 9th and very likely again this weekend (three times).

PS

Tesco has wallets on sale for GBP2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for GBP0.99 at Wilkinsons.

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 30863 - Posted: 12 Jan 2011 | 17:05:48 UTC - in response to Message 30862.

You forgot the most important piece of information to this scam... where were you shopping?
____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 30981 - Posted: 14 Jan 2011 | 16:17:58 UTC

Subject: Frog and the Female Golfer

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM- she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.




Attention female readers :

This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.










The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife ..

Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show


PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!


Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humor.

____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 31584 - Posted: 26 Jan 2011 | 14:14:31 UTC

PRICELESS!

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he
had his collar on backwards.


The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am a Father.'

The little boy replied, 'My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that.'
The priest looked up from his book and answered, ''I am the Father of many.'
The boy said, ''My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't wear his collar that way!'


The priest, getting impatient, said. 'I am the Father of hundreds', and went
back to reading his book.


The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear a condom, and put your pants on backwards instead of your collar."

____________
@AggieThePew

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 31651 - Posted: 27 Jan 2011 | 13:52:58 UTC

'I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf
one fine March day. One remarked to the other, 'Windy,
isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied,
'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in,
'So am I. Let's have a beer.'

____________________________________________________________

A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
nursing home.

As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex...'

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair..

Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,
'I'll take the
soup.'



____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 31654 - Posted: 27 Jan 2011 | 15:50:08 UTC

A Mafia gang takes on a deaf man to run their deliveries, feeling it would be safer having someone unable to overhear conversations. However, one day he is to deliver a large sum of money but he doesn't show up. The mobsters track him down, but don't find the money on him. As none of them are able to use sign language, they bring in an interpreter.
Mobster: "Where'd you hide the money?" (Interpreter signs the question.)
The bag man signs his reply. The interpreter says, "He says he had to ditch it in the river because the cops were onto him."
Mobster: "I'm not fooling around! You better tell me where that money is!" (Interpreter again signs.)
The bag man signs his reply, and the interpreter relays, "He swears he is telling the truth."
The mobster pulls out a revolver and points it between the deaf man's eyes. "Tell me where that money is, or I'll kill you right now!"
(Interpreter signs his statement.)
The bag man, sweating profusely, signs, "It's inside a shoebox under a loose floorboard in my bedroom."
The interpreter says, "He says he doesn't know where it is and he doesn't think you have the guts to pull the trigger."

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Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 31861 - Posted: 31 Jan 2011 | 15:32:48 UTC
Last modified: 31 Jan 2011 | 15:33:29 UTC

A LADY WALKS INTO TIFFANY'S...SHE LOOKS AROUND, SPOTS A BEAUTIFUL
DIAMOND BRACELET AND WALKS OVER TO INSPECT IT...

AS SHE BENDS OVER TO LOOK MORE CLOSELY, SHE UNEXPECTEDLY
FARTS...

VERY EMBARRASSED, SHE LOOKS AROUND NERVOUSLY TO SEE IF ANYONE
NOTICED HER LITTLE WOOPS AND PRAYS THAT A SALESPERSON WAS NOT ANYWHERE NEAR...

AS SHE TURNS AROUND, HER WORST NIGHTMARE MATERIALIZES IN THE
FORM OF A SALESMAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND HER...

GOOD LOOKING AS WELL .. COOL AS A CUCUMBER, HE DISPLAYS ALL OF
THE QUALITIES ONE WOULD EXPECT OF A PROFESSIONAL IN A STORE LIKE
TIFFANY'S...

HE POLITELY GREETS THE LADY WITH, 'GOOD DAY, MADAM .. HOW MAY WE
HELP YOU TODAY???

BLUSHING AND UNCOMFORTABLE, BUT STILL HOPING THAT THE SALESMAN
SOMEHOW MISSED HER LITTLE 'INCIDENT', SHE ASKS, 'SIR, WHAT IS THE PRICE OF THIS LOVELY BRACELET ??'

HE ANSWERS, "MADAM .. IF YOU FARTED JUST LOOKING AT IT - YOU'RE
GOING TO S*** WHEN I TELL YOU THE PRICE.."
____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
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321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 31862 - Posted: 31 Jan 2011 | 16:23:12 UTC - in response to Message 31861.

I nearly posted a reply to that one Rick. One that was almost worth it but would have got me banned for life.

I'll settle for

A guy sits in front of TV all day, farting like there's no tomorrow.
The wife says: "One day you are gonna fart your guts out."
The next Saturday night wife prepares turkey for Sunday lunch while Hubbie falls asleep. Wife takes the innards of the turkey and places them in the underwear her husband is wearing. Next morning husband looks very frightened.

"What happened?" asked his wife.

"Well," the man said, "you were right. I farted my guts out."

"What did you do?" asked his wife.

"Well with the Grace of God and these two fingers I got 'em all back up in there!"

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 31863 - Posted: 31 Jan 2011 | 16:52:46 UTC - in response to Message 31862.

Well in that case, maybe you can pm me the banned one :) I'm sure it will make for some great reading.
____________
@AggieThePew

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Posts: 510
ID: 30360
Credit: 11,561,356
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Eliminated 2 conjecture "k"s321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (549,886)Cullen LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (494,859)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (361,416)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (533,729)PPS LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (595,337)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (566,781)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (981,226)SR5 LLR Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (94,782)SGS LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (105,953)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (163,541)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,491,761)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (82,515)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (200,096)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (85,743)PPS Sieve Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (733,035)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,039)TRP Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (100,597)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (275,545)WW Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (20,000)GFN Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,892,660)PSA Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (211,837)
Message 31864 - Posted: 31 Jan 2011 | 17:30:01 UTC - in response to Message 31863.

Well in that case, maybe you can pm me the banned one :) I'm sure it will make for some great reading.

Me, too.
____________
Murphy (AtP)



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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 32775 - Posted: 12 Feb 2011 | 17:10:46 UTC
Last modified: 12 Feb 2011 | 17:11:31 UTC

I'll settle for the story of just now when my wife asked if I let rip. I said I don't always smell this bad.

And followed it up with asking her why women don't break wind; because they don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up enough pressure.

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 32787 - Posted: 13 Feb 2011 | 0:04:43 UTC - in response to Message 32775.

I'll settle for the story of just now when my wife asked if I let rip. I said I don't always smell this bad.

And followed it up with asking her why women don't break wind; because they don't keep their mouths shut long enough to build up enough pressure.


Folks, I'm thinking that we won't be hearing from poor Tim for a few :(
____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 32885 - Posted: 14 Feb 2011 | 20:49:24 UTC - in response to Message 32787.

I was working abroad Rick now back if not safely back hence the delay in reply. I rang the missus from the airport and she said "On your way back buy a pint of milk and if they have eggs buy six." So I turned up with seven pints of milk and she asked why. Of course I replied that they had eggs.

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 33049 - Posted: 18 Feb 2011 | 15:54:16 UTC

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'

____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 33058 - Posted: 18 Feb 2011 | 19:38:27 UTC - in response to Message 33049.

Ah yes young love.

The missus and I were down the pub.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Is that you talking or the beer?" she asked.

"It is me talking to the beer."

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 34124 - Posted: 14 Mar 2011 | 15:30:38 UTC

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy. (unknown)
____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 34125 - Posted: 14 Mar 2011 | 15:31:41 UTC

This is a true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times . . .

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford station leaned over to ask the driver a question & gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb & stopped just inches from a large plate window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab.

Then, the shaking driver said "Are you OK? I'm so sorry, but you scared the day-lights out of me.".. The badly shaken passenger apologized to the driver and said, "I didn't realize that a mere tap on the shoulder would startle someone so badly." The driver replied, "No, no, I'm the one who is sorry, it's entirely my fault. Today is my very 1st day driving a cab - I've been driving a hearse for 25 yrs."


____________
@AggieThePew

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Credit: 91,204,089
RAC: 0
Discovered 2 mega primesEliminated 1 conjecture "k"321 LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,026,422)Cullen LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,244,493)ESP LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,060,987)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,893,956)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,696,799)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,782,093)SoB LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,135,656)SR5 LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,294,208)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,054,498)TRP LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,198,471)Woodall LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,520,987)321 Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,004,485)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (15,252,536)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,980)PPS Sieve Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,309,812)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (889,318)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,025,219)AP 26/27 Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,479,236)GFN Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,270,424)PSA Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (28,443,507)
Message 35360 - Posted: 18 Apr 2011 | 7:56:38 UTC

An IPv4 address space walks into a bar: "A strong CIDR please. I'm exhausted."

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
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Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 35481 - Posted: 20 Apr 2011 | 20:55:54 UTC

Subject:
Medical Distinction between Guts and Balls


There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Chubby."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.

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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 35532 - Posted: 22 Apr 2011 | 9:27:03 UTC

Ahh reminds me of nearly 30 years ago on one of the first times I met my now wife's mother. I am a bit older than my wife and my m-i-l had my wife when she was young so there is not a huge age gap between m-i-l and I.

Parents in law had a party and I found myself doing the washing up. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my girlfriend walking by and thought to myself that that looked a bottom worth a pinch. It was, alas, her mother's.

I still have nightmares about that.

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 36071 - Posted: 11 May 2011 | 12:48:43 UTC

My wife and I were at home watching television.

I had the remote and was switching back & forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

She became more and more annoyed and finally said:

"For God's sake,

LEAVE IT ON THE PORN CHANNEL"!

You already know how to fish!"

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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 36087 - Posted: 12 May 2011 | 14:29:51 UTC

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Judy............Judy"

"Is that you, George?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"


“"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

"Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

"After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, George...are you in Heaven?"

"No............I'm a rabbit in Kansas ."

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 36387 - Posted: 23 May 2011 | 14:43:47 UTC

ALWAYS ASK, NEVER ASSUME !!

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.

He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.

Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.

He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.

The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.

Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'

'Why?' asked the pilot.

'Because I'm a photographer for CNN' , he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.'

The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 37028 - Posted: 15 Jun 2011 | 14:36:45 UTC

Subject: THE LIE DETECTOR...

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual
gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It
was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was
about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned
home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late

"Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit
project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him
completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you
really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking
him off his chair.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I
lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen."

"I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never
lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly
knocked him out of his chair...

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did
you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all,
he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 37029 - Posted: 15 Jun 2011 | 14:40:05 UTC

The Veterinarian


One Sunday, in counting the money in the weekly offering, the pastor of a small church found
a pink envelope containing $1,000. It happened again the next week!

The following Sunday, he watched as the offering was collected and saw an elderly woman put the distinctive pink envelope on the plate. This went on for weeks until the pastor, overcome by curiosity, approached her.


"Ma'am, I couldn't help but notice that you put $1,000 a week in the collection plate," he stated.

"Why, yes," she replied, "every week my son sends me money, and I give some of it to the church."

The pastor replied, "That's wonderful. But $1,000 is a lot, are you sure you can afford this?
How much does he send you?"

The elderly woman answered, "$10,000 a week."

The pastor was amazed. "Your son is very successful, what does he do for a living?"

"He is a veterinarian," she answered.

"That's an honorable profession, but I had no idea they made that much money,"
the pastor said. "Where does he practice?"

The woman answered proudly, "In Nevada .... He has two cat houses, one in Las Vegas and one in Reno ."

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 37580 - Posted: 28 Jun 2011 | 15:06:03 UTC

A woman was sipping a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she said, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you"
Her husband asked, "Is that you, or the wine talking?"
She replied, "It's me...talking to the wine."
____________
@AggieThePew

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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 38594 - Posted: 22 Jul 2011 | 14:34:28 UTC
Last modified: 22 Jul 2011 | 14:35:34 UTC

WOMEN

A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.
She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.
She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do;
to live without fear and forget regret.
She will enable him to express his deepest emotions,
and give in to his most intimate desires.
She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most
handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident,
sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait...


Sorry....





I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that sh*t.

Never mind.
____________
@AggieThePew

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 39709 - Posted: 29 Aug 2011 | 12:59:38 UTC

At a wedding party recently someone yelled, "All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was crushed to death.
____________
@AggieThePew

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 41149 - Posted: 30 Sep 2011 | 14:05:18 UTC

> Subject: Two Sides...
>
> Wife’s Diary:
>
> Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
>
> I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
>
> I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
>
>
>
>
>
> Husband's Diary:
>
> A four putt; who the hell four putts ?

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 45745 - Posted: 27 Dec 2011 | 15:58:15 UTC

I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the odd social session over the years.

Well, I have done something about it: a couple of nights ago I was out for dinner and ended up having a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and some rather nice wine; but knowing full well I may have been over the limit, I did something I've never done before - I took a bus home.
I arrived back safely and without incident which was a real surprise, since I had never even driven a bus before and am not sure where I got this one.

Please keep this in mind as you enjoy the holiday season.

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 47699 - Posted: 24 Jan 2012 | 16:35:05 UTC

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and
shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?"
the man asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20
years!"

"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm
going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded.

"Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, and golf .."

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 47790 - Posted: 25 Jan 2012 | 14:50:32 UTC

DOES THIS STORY REMIND YOU OF SOMEONE YOU KNOW?


Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately call the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all, “Honey,” I stammered. I always call her “honey” in times like these. “I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen.”

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane’s voice. “Ken” she barked, “I dropped you off!” Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, “Well, come and get me.” Diane retorted, “I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car?”

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 48392 - Posted: 1 Feb 2012 | 15:04:28 UTC

I got a new stick deodorant today.

The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely..

Profile ~~~(,__,)^'>Project donor
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Joined: 30 Jan 08
Posts: 3731
ID: 18322
Credit: 49,385,163
RAC: 0
321 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (550,585)Cullen LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (668,541)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (193,409)PPS LLR Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (3,796,320)PSP LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (521,137)SoB LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (534,235)SR5 LLR Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (741,726)SGS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,044,407)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (270,664)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,233)321 Sieve (suspended) Bronze: Earned 10,000 credits (32,623)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,307,669)PPS Sieve Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (22,766,584)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (620,950)TRP Sieve (suspended) Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,002,904)AP 26/27 Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (171,036)GFN Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,319,121)PSA Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (675,622)
Message 48393 - Posted: 1 Feb 2012 | 15:07:54 UTC - in response to Message 48392.

I got a new stick deodorant today.

The instructions said: Remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells lovely..



I went to the chemists and asked for a deodarant and the chemist said "roll-on ball or aerosol?" "More for under my arms actually," I replied.
____________
Oh Bondage? Up Yours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ogypBUCb7DA

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 54920 - Posted: 24 May 2012 | 13:53:34 UTC

A Norwegian Math Test --- This only works for those in Minnna soda or Viskonsin…don’t cha know!

Ole, a Norwegian fella wants a job, but the foreman doesn’t want to hire him, so he says he won't hire
him until he passes a little math test. Here is your first question, the foreman said. 'Without using numbers,
represent the number 9.'
'Witout numbers?' The Norwegian says, 'Dat's easy.' and proceeds to draw three trees.

What's this?' the boss asks.
Vot! You got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine,' says the Norwegian.
'Fair enough,' says the boss. 'Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time represent
the number 99.'
The Norwegian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a
smudge on each tree. 'Dar ya go!'

The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do you get that to represent 99?'
'You must be from Iowa …Each of DA trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree.
Dat is 99.'

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Norwegian, so he says, 'All right, last
question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.'
The Norwegian fella stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at
the base of each tree and says, 'Dar ya go! Von hundred!'


The boss looks at the attempt. 'You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!'
The Norwegian winces and shakes his head…UFF-DAH…you must be a Finlander from Iowa…he leans forward
and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, 'A little dog come along and pooped by each tree. So
now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, and dat makes von hundred !!
So, ven do I start?

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
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Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 56169 - Posted: 6 Jul 2012 | 16:09:39 UTC

BRITISH HUMOUR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little b@st@rd.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.


WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

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Credit: 16,686,798
RAC: 2,171
321 LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (186,168)Cullen LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (161,492)ESP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (102,526)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (115,730)PPS LLR Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,407,826)PSP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (132,546)SoB LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (433,700)SR5 LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (114,016)SGS LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (162,863)TRP LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (100,020)Woodall LLR Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (103,446)321 Sieve (suspended) Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,006,012)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Ruby: Earned 2,000,000 credits (2,740,001)PPS Sieve Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,066,749)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Silver: Earned 100,000 credits (119,708)TRP Sieve (suspended) Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (527,925)AP 26/27 Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (849,112)WW Gold: Earned 500,000 credits (828,000)GFN Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000 credits (1,514,566)
Message 56739 - Posted: 28 Jul 2012 | 0:11:57 UTC

xkcd comic # 806: Tech Support

____________

Profile Rick Reynolds
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Joined: 13 Aug 10
Posts: 8159
ID: 65483
Credit: 6,707,194,967
RAC: 835,675
Discovered 3 mega primesFound 2 primes in the 2018 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2019 Tour de PrimesFound 12 primes in the 2020 Tour de PrimesFound 2 primes in the 2021 Tour de PrimesFound 1 mega prime in the 2021 Tour de Primes321 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,244,909)Cullen LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,194,451)ESP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,174,327)Generalized Cullen/Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (9,947,396)PPS LLR Emerald: Earned 50,000,000 credits (73,178,392)PSP LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,151,448)SoB LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (10,045,557)SR5 LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (14,871,275)SGS LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,860,522)TRP LLR Jade: Earned 10,000,000 credits (11,130,742)Woodall LLR Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (5,419,909)321 Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (101,538,236)Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Double Bronze: Earned 100,000,000 credits (127,922,665)Generalized Cullen/Woodall Sieve (suspended) Sapphire: Earned 20,000,000 credits (30,984,158)PPS Sieve Double Ruby: Earned 2,000,000,000 credits (2,840,173,136)Sierpinski (ESP/PSP/SoB) Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (8,134,964)TRP Sieve (suspended) Turquoise: Earned 5,000,000 credits (7,013,696)AP 26/27 Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (276,723,135)WW Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,431,508,000)GFN Double Silver: Earned 200,000,000 credits (349,277,565)PSA Double Amethyst: Earned 1,000,000,000 credits (1,370,700,486)
Message 57247 - Posted: 22 Aug 2012 | 15:57:33 UTC

> After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counseling. When
> asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every
> problem they had ever had in the years they had been married. On and on and
> on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and
> unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.
>
> Finally, after allowing this for a sufficient length of time, the
> therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand,
> he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as her husband watched -
> with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a
> daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife
> needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"
>
> "Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on
> Fridays, I fish.

____________
@AggieThePew

Message boards : General discussion : A little levity - not to mention a good laugh

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