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What if the hokey-cokey really is what it's all about? |
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Philosophy forum needed. /JeppeSN |
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I came downstairs this morning and there was a note on the fridge saying "It is not working any more. I've gone to my mother's." I don't know what she's talking about. The milk was cold. |
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Maybe it was too cold....
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Werinbert is not prime... or PRPnet keeps telling me so.
Badge score: 12x3 + 1x4 + 2x6 + 2x7 + 1x8 + 1x9 + 1x10 = 93 |
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Uncle Rat?
Yes dear?
What are you doing Uncle Rat?
I am multitasking.
What is multitasking?
Multitasking is when you do several different things at the same time.
Oh. How many different things are doing Uncle Rat?
I am doing 3 things.
Uncle Rat?
Yes dear?
What 3 things are you doing?
I am sitting here, I am talking to you and I am thinking.
Uncle Rat?
Yes dear?
What are you thinking Uncle Rat?
I am thinking it would have been a very good idea to have checked I locked the toilet door.
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What are you thinking Uncle Rat?
I am thinking it would have been a very good idea to have checked I locked the toilet door.
LOL
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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robish Volunteer moderator Volunteer tester
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Joined: 7 Jan 12 Posts: 2197 ID: 126266 Credit: 7,321,102,001 RAC: 3,237,761
                               
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LOL :D
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My lucky numbers 10590941048576+1 and 224584605939537911+81292139*23#*n for n=0..26 |
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Don't buy the flat above Lionel Richie's. |
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Don't buy the flat above Lionel Richie's.
Neither below
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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Don't buy the flat above Lionel Richie's.
Neither below
Dancing on the Ceiling /JeppeSN |
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Don't buy the flat above Lionel Richie's.
Neither below
Dancing on the Ceiling /JeppeSN
I meant I wouldn't like a party on the apartment above All Night Long ;)
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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Dave  Send message
Joined: 13 Feb 12 Posts: 3171 ID: 130544 Credit: 2,233,923,665 RAC: 560,463
                           
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Don't buy the flat above Lionel Richie's.
Neither below
Dancing on the Ceiling /JeppeSN
I meant I wouldn't like a party on the apartment above All Night Long ;)
Had that happen before. 3-fffffff-am when I have an important day at work the following day. He was evicted. |
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If you knock two pistachio shells together it sounds like a really small horse. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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If you knock two pistachio shells together it sounds like a really small horse.
Were you making a miniature version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail to discover this? |
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If you knock two pistachio shells together it sounds like a really small horse.
Were you making a miniature version of Monty Python and the Holy Grail to discover this?
I know Eric Idle has always been a fan but somehow he never has the money to make it work for me. |
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To neigh. Or not to neigh. That is equestrian. |
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To neigh. Or not to neigh. That is equestrian.
Thanks. I've just learned a new verb.
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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A watched pot never boils. An unwatched pot boils but you don’t know where it is. So pots are quantum particles. |
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Do ducks get down in the mouth? |
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Am I schizophrenic? A part of me says "Yes" |
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A polar bear likes cold weather.
A bipolar bear sometimes likes it, other times not.
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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I have been considering that idioms have been created through experimentation.
There seems to be 3 components to them.
An example "Putting it on the table"
Put, it, table.
I think vast experimentation was done in aligning 2 objects.
And objects that were at hand.
Sit the cat next to the dog wouldn't have worked - or at least only fleetingly.
Spread butter on the bread - yeah but then it will be eaten.
Aligning 2 objects for consumption is a whole new level.
I think the table would have been the first thing locked in.
It didn't move about, or usually eaten, and had much potential.
And then after exhaustive research into placing different items below, on, or next to the table - on would have been locked in as it is far easier to reach.
But what to place on the table?
This is when they wouldn't have been able to choose what, as there are so many great things one could place on the table. "It". Yep, that is what we will place on the table. And "put" may have been chosen rather than "place" due to it being more inclusive of different methodologies of placement.
Just be thankful I didn't unpack "flogging a dead horse".
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When life gives you melons make an appointment for spelling classes. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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When life gives you melons make an appointment for spelling classes.
And don't forget to see the optometrist too! |
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When you see 9 Grim Reapers walking down the road it's either Halloween or a really bad day for a cat. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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When you see 9 Grim Reapers walking down the road it's either Halloween or a really bad day for a cat.
Nice one.
I still really enjoy listening to Joe Wilkinson responding to how he feels about Halloween.
https://youtu.be/wrd0V0dhiLw?t=619 |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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I have once woken from a dream laughing hysterically.
In the dream I had the music from The Producers.
"Spring time, for Hitler, und Germany"
It was definitely 'und'
The funniest dream ever. |
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https://flic.kr/p/2mFaXic |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Fair enough.
I am a dummy and I hijacked your thread.
You could hijack my thread and we could negotiate a swap?
Make sure prisoners are taken care of and free good beer, etc? |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Oink!? |
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Van Gogh is down the pub. A mate of his comes in says "Oi, Vince want a beer?" And van Gogh says "Cheers mate but I've got one 'ere." |
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My New Year's resolution is to stop prevaricating. |
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Amateurs built the Ark.
Professionals built the Titanic. |
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If you want to know whether your wife or your dog loves you best try locking them in the boot of your car for a bit and see which is happier to see you when you open it. |
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There is no truth in the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just standard normal deviates. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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There is no truth in the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just standard normal deviates.
We have at least some component that is very alike.
I have written "I am a standard deviant from being mean" |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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I am trying new thoughts and seeing if they are indeed new.
This is heavier than the intention of this thread:
Differential treatment of people by a group identity classification is objectification. |
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Tape popcorn to the ceiling; it is cheaper than a fire alarm. |
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Regular naps reduce your chances of becoming senile; especially if you indulge in them when driving. |
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I believe the same goes for drinking.
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Werinbert is not prime... or PRPnet keeps telling me so.
Badge score: 12x3 + 1x4 + 2x6 + 2x7 + 1x8 + 1x9 + 1x10 = 93 |
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I hope I die peacefully in my sleep. Like my uncle. Not screaming in horror like his passengers. |
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My local bookshop is doing a buy-one-get-one free deal on ‘Teach Yourself Binary’; 10 for the price of 1. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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If you were using a hand to represent how many books you want in binary, you may need to be careful with 4 and 6. |
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When we were kids, my brother always grabbed the lion's share of everything.
Eventually it just snapped and mauled him to death. |
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There are 10 types of people - those who understand binary, and those who don't.
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5912891284485*2^1290000-1
(Sophie Germain Prime Search) |
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Tablets were replaced by scrolls.
Scrolls were replaced by books.
Now we scroll through books on our tablets.
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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The police knocked on my door just now.
"Lord Rat?"
"Yes."
"I'm sorry to say this, your Lordship, but it looks like Lady Rat was knocked down by a bus."
"I know but but she is very affectionate." |
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If your missus says women are better than men. See what happens when you tell her to sit down and shut up. |
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That was supposed to include "at multitasking" but if you want a fat lip and a spell on the sofa try it either way. |
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The letter 't' appears 3 times in the word 'exaggeration' |
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Alcohol doesn't agree with me. It thinks my wife is attractive. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Alcohol doesn't agree with me. It thinks my wife is attractive.
Well now we are in my territory - not with your wife, with the grog. (I have something really bad to say - and on consideration to not say it - which is good because I have literally forgotten it) |
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A rough night. I dreamt something bit me. I got up to check and now the mirror isn't working properly. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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At that point in a transaction where you need to tick the box to say you aren't a robot. How would a robot feel about this? But I am a robot! |
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My wife sent me a text saying: "I'm in bed and waiting for you." I replied "That is really cute only I'm quite busy right now." She said "You've forgotten about my operation, haven't you?" |
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Apparently if your missus ever says "If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new", "Anything" doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy. |
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As rats make good test subjects....
Given "All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
The proof would be to put Lord Rat in a state of unhappiness and give him a pittance of money (or less). If he doesn't become happy then we have proven that money can't make him happy.
If he wants to claim that it is the amount of money that makes him happy, then we will just prevent him from spending the money. Or in the case that he is a relative of Scrooge McDuck, we will prevent him from swimming in his money.
____________
Werinbert is not prime... or PRPnet keeps telling me so.
Badge score: 12x3 + 1x4 + 2x6 + 2x7 + 1x8 + 1x9 + 1x10 = 93 |
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As rats make good test subjects....
Given "All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
The proof would be to put Lord Rat in a state of unhappiness and give him a pittance of money (or less). If he doesn't become happy then we have proven that money can't make him happy.
If he wants to claim that it is the amount of money that makes him happy, then we will just prevent him from spending the money. Or in the case that he is a relative of Scrooge McDuck, we will prevent him from swimming in his money.
Not all rats make good test subjects... |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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As rats make good test subjects....
Given "All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
The proof would be to put Lord Rat in a state of unhappiness and give him a pittance of money (or less). If he doesn't become happy then we have proven that money can't make him happy.
If he wants to claim that it is the amount of money that makes him happy, then we will just prevent him from spending the money. Or in the case that he is a relative of Scrooge McDuck, we will prevent him from swimming in his money.
Not all rats make good test subjects...
And what good subjects can rats be tested on?
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Can we have thoughts in a day?
Pavlov had a dog when rats are well know for testing.
Who had the rat that liked walkies in the park and fetching sticks? |
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As rats make good test subjects....
Given "All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
The proof would be to put Lord Rat in a state of unhappiness and give him a pittance of money (or less). If he doesn't become happy then we have proven that money can't make him happy.
If he wants to claim that it is the amount of money that makes him happy, then we will just prevent him from spending the money. Or in the case that he is a relative of Scrooge McDuck, we will prevent him from swimming in his money.
Not all rats make good test subjects...
And what good subjects can rats be tested on?
To my extent of common sense, biological sciences and medicines.
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My lucky number is 6219*2^3374198+1
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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As rats make good test subjects....
Given "All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy."
The proof would be to put Lord Rat in a state of unhappiness and give him a pittance of money (or less). If he doesn't become happy then we have proven that money can't make him happy.
If he wants to claim that it is the amount of money that makes him happy, then we will just prevent him from spending the money. Or in the case that he is a relative of Scrooge McDuck, we will prevent him from swimming in his money.
Not all rats make good test subjects...
And what good subjects can rats be tested on?
To my extent of common sense, biological sciences and medicines.
I would have thought cheese and vooming out of aqueducts may be more their thing than science. |
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And what good subjects can rats be tested on?
I would think that math would be a good subject. It may even make Lord Rat happy reinforcing the idea that math is a good subject. ymmv
If worse comes to worse, Lord Rat can at least learn to count all of his money.
____________
Werinbert is not prime... or PRPnet keeps telling me so.
Badge score: 12x3 + 1x4 + 2x6 + 2x7 + 1x8 + 1x9 + 1x10 = 93 |
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Is it a lie to say Steffi Graf's sister is called Polly? |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Is it a lie to say Steffi Graf's sister is called Polly?
You will get no help from her brother, Dr Urdstats. |
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My wife said "You'll be sorry. I am going to leave you." "Make your mind up," I replied, |
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Loosing money in the stock market is worse than divorce.
You loose half of the money, but the wife doesn't leave.
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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To be well inebriated means you neither know time nor place.
From a quantum perspective, it then follows that you know momentum and energy.
Momentum I can get - you will very likely have momentum of zero.
But energy?
If it is kinetic energy - again very likely zero.
But potential energy?
Depends on what you found to have zero kinetic energy on. |
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The vicar looked at my betrothed then turned to me and said, "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
I said, "I do."
He looked her up and down again, then said to me, "I'll ask you one more time..." |
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The vicar looked at my betrothed then turned to me and said, "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
I said, "I do."
He looked her up and down again, then said to me, "I'll ask you one more time..."
Perhaps the vicar has a hard time distinguishing a mouse from a shrew.
In any case, I would think it more likely that the vicar would repeat his question when asking your bride "Do you take this rat to be your lawfully wedded husband?"
____________
Werinbert is not prime... or PRPnet keeps telling me so.
Badge score: 12x3 + 1x4 + 2x6 + 2x7 + 1x8 + 1x9 + 1x10 = 93 |
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I am sorry but it is time for a regular AtP gag.
I bought a big Christmas Tree. The man said "Are you going to put it up yourself". I said "No, it is going in the Drawing Room." |
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Opticians' wedding ceremony:
"Do you take this woman for better or worse? Better or worse?" |
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My wife asked "Have you noticed the excitement and sparkle has gone from our marriage?" "Can we talk about it at halftime?" I replied. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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My wife asked "Have you noticed the excitement and sparkle has gone from our marriage?" "Can we talk about it at halftime?" I replied.
If you weren't watching the football on the tele before half time - my mind boggles. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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I think soccer is 90 minutes.
Even aiming for 45 minutes is proud Britainage. |
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What is 358? |
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What is 358?
A kind of fence.
For instance, https://www.xhwire-mesh.com/news/what-is-358-mesh-fence.html
A kind of fence, not a kind offense :)
____________
"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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So I believe although I think the last person to offer an explanation here got in trouble.
(Someone spammed the site about it earlier today.) |
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After my first wife died I couldn't look at a woman for years. Since coming out of jail I can say it was worth it. |
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My New Year's resolution is to stop prevaricating. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Passing a motion can be precarious in the small room or in parliament. |
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The letter 't' appears 3 times in the word 'exaggeration'. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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The letter 't' appears 3 times in the word 'exaggeration'.
Nice work. I can't understand the humour. So I feel quite 'flighty' now
It is possible I got it - don't tell this to someone lower east end.
Edit: Everything I just said I made up. |
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I've just invented a new word: "plagiarism". |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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I've just invented a new word: "plagiarism".
You have melted my brain again.
I cannot find wit to reply. |
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I too have just coined a new word, I am calling it "plagiarism".
____________
Werinbert is not prime... or PRPnet keeps telling me so.
Badge score: 12x3 + 1x4 + 2x6 + 2x7 + 1x8 + 1x9 + 1x10 = 93 |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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I too have just coined a new word, I am calling it "plagiarism".
Ah! I am out of words that I have never used before. |
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Sometimes I say 'I'm sorry' to people I never even met before. This really annoys my ex, especially when she's on a date with them. |
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Ensure nobody uses your mug at work by getting a branded one from the local STD clinic. |
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Ensure nobody uses your mug at work by getting a branded one from the local STD clinic.
It's a funny coincidence.
The acronym DST, in English, stands for Daylight Saving Time (aka Summer Time).
In Brazil, it stands for Doenças Sexualmente Transmissíiveis, that is, Sexually Transmissable Diseases.
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Ensure nobody uses your mug at work by getting a branded one from the local STD clinic. Joe Wilkinson reckons to discourage people from using his mug, he would have written on it "Sometimes I keep urine in this mug" |
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Why was textbook math so sad?
It had so many problems.
+++++++++
Why couldn't the computer get a job?
Because it was bad with applications.
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Dave  Send message
Joined: 13 Feb 12 Posts: 3171 ID: 130544 Credit: 2,233,923,665 RAC: 560,463
                           
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Why stand still when you can be moving forward. |
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robish Volunteer moderator Volunteer tester
 Send message
Joined: 7 Jan 12 Posts: 2197 ID: 126266 Credit: 7,321,102,001 RAC: 3,237,761
                               
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The award winning Farmer, was outstanding in his field.
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My lucky numbers 10590941048576+1 and 224584605939537911+81292139*23#*n for n=0..26 |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Consider knowing everything about nothing versus knowing nothing about everything.
2nd edit: Please don't consider this much - versus is not the most nice of words. |
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What is the best way to remember your wife's birthday? Forget it once. |
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Don't ask your wife when dinner will be ready until she has mown the lawn. |
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My wife apologised to me for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever met me. |
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My wife apologised to me for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever met me.
LOL
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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I've been married for a very long time and it seems like much longer. I do recall that after the ceremony my late and much missed father-in-law came up to us. He put an arm around my shoulder and in the hearing of my wife said "Never forget to introduce [her] with the words 'This is my first wife.'" |
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The Swiss must've been pretty confident of their chances of victory to include a corkscrew in their army knife. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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The Swiss must've been pretty confident of their chances of victory to include a corkscrew in their army knife.
Nice |
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Three mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks: "Do all three of you want a drink?".
1st mathematician: "I don't know".
2nd mathematician: "I don't know".
3rd mathematician: "Yes". |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Three mathematicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks: "Do all three of you want a drink?".
1st mathematician: "I don't know".
2nd mathematician: "I don't know".
3rd mathematician: "Yes".
I suspect I will be cleaning up brain matter from the walls if I put any grey matter in the direction of this idea. I refuse to think about this. La la la la la!
Edit: I love your work - keep 'em coming |
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Yesterday I ate a clock and it was very time consuming,
Especially when I went back for seconds!
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A blowfly goes into a bar and asks; "Is that stool taken?" |
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Americans please note that the date today is 1/1/22 not 1/1/22. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Americans please note that the date today is 1/1/22 not 1/1/22.
Cool. It does my head in M/D/Y - I can only know for sure if the date is 13th or more.
I think we all get Y/M/D - unless it is for this year the 22nd? It must have been very difficult for the first 12 years of the century. But we seemed to have coped with that. |
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Americans please note that the date today is 1/1/22 not 1/1/22.
2001 January 22? /JeppeSN |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Americans please note that the date today is 1/1/22 not 1/1/22.
2001 January 22? /JeppeSN
That may be better if we didn't know the things to come.
Which is more confusion about the dates |
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Americans please note that the date today is 1/1/22 not 1/1/22.
2001 January 22? /JeppeSN
That may be better if we didn't know the things to come.
Which is more confusion about the dates
4 rather scary looking blokes on horses each of a different colour have just galloped down my road.
Should I be worried? |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Americans please note that the date today is 1/1/22 not 1/1/22.
2001 January 22? /JeppeSN
That may be better if we didn't know the things to come.
Which is more confusion about the dates
4 rather scary looking blokes on horses each of a different colour have just galloped down my road.
Should I be worried?
No not at all - it is more a worry to have rampant literacy than 4 horseman. |
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Americans please note that the date today is 1/1/22 not 1/1/22.
2001 January 22? /JeppeSN
That may be better if we didn't know the things to come.
Which is more confusion about the dates
4 rather scary looking blokes on horses each of a different colour have just galloped down my road.
Should I be worried?
No not at all - it is more a worry to have rampant literacy than 4 horseman.
If you are wrong there'll be hell to pay |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Americans please note that the date today is 1/1/22 not 1/1/22.
2001 January 22? /JeppeSN
That may be better if we didn't know the things to come.
Which is more confusion about the dates
4 rather scary looking blokes on horses each of a different colour have just galloped down my road.
Should I be worried?
No not at all - it is more a worry to have rampant literacy than 4 horseman.
If you are wrong there'll be hell to pay
I've saved up a few quid and maybe if a few of us chip in? |
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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I apparently won't be allowed on the London Underground again. |
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Rumours of a food shortage at this year's Spoonerism Awards turned out to be a complete lack of pies. |
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I went into the stationer's today and I said to the woman behind the counter, "Do you sell bereavement cards?"
"Yes, sir."
"Could I exchange one for this 'get well soon' card I bought yesterday?" |
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I just got my musician friend a 'get better soon' card.
He isn't sick.
I just think he can get better.
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"Accidit in puncto, quod non contingit in anno."
Something that does not occur in a year may, perchance, happen in a moment. |
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A friend of mine collects blunt pencils.
Personally I find his hobby a bit pointless.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?
Three blind mice.
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I have more legs than the human average. |
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Never go to sleep with an argument unresolved. Resort to wrestling if necessary, although she does have the weight advantage. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Never go to sleep with an argument unresolved. Resort to wrestling if necessary, although she does have the weight advantage.
This is a tricky one.
What weight division are you in in bed? |
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My wife said to me "Is it just me or did the dog get fatter over Christmas?"
I said "It is just you."
The sofa is really fine to sleep on once you get used to it. |
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I couldn't afford to pay my exorcist's bill so I got repossessed. |
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Monday: Greg.
Tuesday: Ian.
Wednesday: Greg.
Thursday: Ian
Friday: Greg.
Saturday Ian.
Sunday: Greg...
The Gregorian calendar. |
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I just looked at my Spam Folder and wondered if the people on the ISS have 274 hot women within 3 miles who are looking to hook up. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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I just looked at my Spam Folder and wondered if the people on the ISS have 274 hot women within 3 miles who are looking to hook up.
I'm surprised it is only 274.
I am not clear where I may take this joke so it best I don't.
Back to you sir! |
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In my house, I'm the boss.
My wife is just the decision-maker. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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In my house, I'm the boss.
My wife is just the decision-maker.
Seems like an efficient delegation of duties.
As far as I know, being the boss means to best make use of all resources, for the purpose of what the boss is of.
Are you sure you have this the right way round? |
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In my house, I'm the boss.
My wife is just the decision-maker.
Seems like an efficient delegation of duties.
As far as I know, being the boss means to best make use of all resources, for the purpose of what the boss is of.
Are you sure you have this the right way round?
I decide the big things and she decides the small things.
I tell her what we should do to prevent asteroids hitting the earth and explain the nature of the next pandemic.
She tells me where are going to live, what kind of car we have, who I can be friends with and what colour socks go with my shirt. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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In my house, I'm the boss.
My wife is just the decision-maker.
Seems like an efficient delegation of duties.
As far as I know, being the boss means to best make use of all resources, for the purpose of what the boss is of.
Are you sure you have this the right way round?
I decide the big things and she decides the small things.
I tell her what we should do to prevent asteroids hitting the earth and explain the nature of the next pandemic.
She tells me where are going to live, what kind of car we have, who I can be friends with and what colour socks go with my shirt.
Phew! For a moment there I thought you didn't know what you are doing. It's not easy at the top. |
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Today's Inspirational Quote:
"Anyone who thinks women talk too much has never sat through a six-hour Super Bowl pregame show."
-- Nora Barry
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Love may be blind but marriage is a complete eye-opener. |
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Last night my wife got out her old dominatrix outfit, or as she prefers to call it, wedding dress. |
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If a man talks dirty to a woman he doesn't know it is harassment. If a woman talks dirty to a man she doesn't know it is 3.95 a minute. |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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A kilt is just a butch skirt.
Tartan versus flowers?
A proper butch skirt needs hand grenades, at least 3 wrenches and a stubby holder (for a beer in case this doesn't translate well beyond Australia). |
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When your wife asks "What we you most like to do to my body?" The answer is not "Identify it." Don't ask me how I know this. |
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I have to confess to breaking wind very loudly last night. My wife said "I don't do that." I said "I know. You don't keep your mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure." The sofa was really quite comfortable last night. |
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Crun-chi Volunteer tester
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Joined: 25 Nov 09 Posts: 3208 ID: 50683 Credit: 135,132,479 RAC: 57,320
                         
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I have to confess to breaking wind very loudly last night. My wife said "I don't do that." I said "I know. You don't keep your mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure." The sofa was really quite comfortable last night.
I am sure there will be many sofa`s in your life :)
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92*10^1439761-1 NEAR-REPDIGIT PRIME :) :) :)
4 * 650^498101-1 CRUS PRIME
2022202116^131072+1 GENERALIZED FERMAT
Proud member of team Aggie The Pew. Go Aggie! |
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I have to confess to breaking wind very loudly last night. My wife said "I don't do that." I said "I know. You don't keep your mouth shut long enough to build up the pressure." The sofa was really quite comfortable last night.
I am sure there will be many sofa`s in your life :)
The odd thing is that the dog and I fight over who gets which sofa. I usually lose. Sometimes the dog sits with me, drops one and gives me a disgusted look and stalks off. |
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I suffered terrible abuse when I was young. I'd see that evil grin spread across my dad's face. Then he'd wind his window up and I knew that I would be unable to breathe for the next 5 minutes. |
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I suffered terrible abuse when I was young. I'd see that evil grin spread across my dad's face. Then he'd wind his window up and I knew that I would be unable to breathe for the next 5 minutes.
GASP @&%! I thought my dad was the only one who could have been so "sweet" as to occasionally giving the car a unique odor when I was growing up.
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Liverwust is what you feed your enemies dog when you see it... Then patiently wait a few hours for the surrender.
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Liverwust is what you feed your enemies dog when you see it... Then patiently wait a few hours for the surrender.
I've occasionally had liverwurst - is it that bad? Mind you, I tend to bark sometimes and I may have fleas. |
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darkclown Volunteer tester Send message
Joined: 3 Oct 06 Posts: 328 ID: 3605 Credit: 1,422,865,129 RAC: 250,840
                         
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Liverwust is what you feed your enemies dog when you see it... Then patiently wait a few hours for the surrender.
I've occasionally had liverwurst - is it that bad? Mind you, I tend to bark sometimes and I may have fleas.
It's not called liverbest for a reason.
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My lucky #: 60133106^131072+1 (GFN 17-mega) |
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
                            
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Liverwust is what you feed your enemies dog when you see it... Then patiently wait a few hours for the surrender.
I've occasionally had liverwurst - is it that bad? Mind you, I tend to bark sometimes and I may have fleas.
It's not called liverbest for a reason.
I thought it sort of like pâté - which I'd have on buttered toast.
Except - the last time I bought it - and there haven't been many times - it lurked too long in the fridge unopened and I had to throw it out. There could be, on reflection, something in this. |
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My New Year's resolution is to stop prevaricating. |
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Crumbs, I have just realised that 10 years ago I put a Christmas present in the loft for my children. They'd have really liked a puppy. |
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Scott Brown Volunteer moderator Project administrator Volunteer tester Project scientist
 Send message
Joined: 17 Oct 05 Posts: 2382 ID: 1178 Credit: 17,963,540,781 RAC: 12,082,660
                                                
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I know I am not supposed to post solicitations to the PG site, but if you will all forgive me this one offense...
A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2022 Super Bowl, 50-yard line box seats. He paid $2500 each but he didn't realize last year when he bought them that it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place...
It's at St. Michael's Church at 3pm, The bride's name is Jenny. She's 5'5" about 135lbs. She'll be the one in the white dress.
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Nick  Send message
Joined: 11 Jul 11 Posts: 2216 ID: 105020 Credit: 8,133,261,170 RAC: 1,329,340
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